


fear & self-loathing

by cinnabun



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 19:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15757803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabun/pseuds/cinnabun
Summary: All at once, the truth comes flooding out.{ 2.5k One-Shot Commission: Underswap!Napstablook/Reader }





	fear & self-loathing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bigfanofpuns](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=bigfanofpuns).



* * *

 

It all happened so fast.

One minute, you were watching your boyfriend leap around the stage, swaying to the beat of his own music and urging the audience to clap along with him. The crowd was roaring, the lights were flashing, and everyone was having a damn good time. You were right there with them, craning over the bars of the front gate in a fruitless attempt to catch his eye.

Sure, you were just another body dancing in the VIP section, but you couldn’t help but dream. Maybe he’d wink or pull you on stage like they did in those cheesy teen-pop romantic comedies.

“And baby, it’s an ooky-spooky beat—"

Of course, he never did, but it didn’t bother you all that much. You were just happy to watch him enjoy himself.

“So sweet, they call me Mr. Trick-or-Treat—"

Then, like a flip switched, everything crashed.

“And it—"

His robotic voice dropped into a tinny warble. The words seemed to melt on his tongue, weighing him down. In a flash, he’d gone from bouncing on his heels and crooning like a techno style Michael Bublé, to dropping to his knees in the middle of the stage.

Everyone thought it was part of the show at first. But you felt something in the air change. When the camera moved to broadcast his panicked expression on the big screen that hung at the back of the stage, more people started to catch on.

His jaw fell open, the tune tore away with a frantic static sound.

The music stopped just as Napstaton toppled forward. You caught a brief glimpse of his eyes rolling back just before he hit the floor face-first.

Someone screamed, and the crowd exploded.

Suddenly people were shoving past you, throwing their bodies in a desperate attempt to…you weren’t sure. To get away? To try and help him?

All you could do was hang onto the gate and watch as a couple of security guards dragged your boyfriend’s unconscious body off the stage. You knew there was no way he could hear you over the crowd, or if he could hear at all, but it didn’t stop you from screaming his name.

“NAPSTATON!”

And that’s when you climbed onto the stage and tore off after him.

The guards tried to stop you, but you burst past them, throwing yourself down the corridor. Only one thing was at the forefront of your mind—you had to find Napstaton, and make sure he was okay! You had to know what had happened, to you had to make sure he’d be alright.

There was so much noise. Screaming, the thrum of your pulse in your ears, the sound of your own ragged breaths. The edges of your vision went foggy, leaving only the outline of his metal foot being dragged around the corner of a doorway for you to focus on.

With a last burst of adrenaline, you rammed your body through the door, knocking back the Monster who’d been trying to close it. The others leaning over your boyfriend’s body jumped into action. One of them reached for a gun, the other for a walkie-talkie.

Between them, Napstaton lay sprawled over a couch, his limbs hanging limply over the sides. His eyes were solid black. The only sign that he was still alive, or at least partially so, was the frantic, loud beeping that emanated from his open chest cavity. Something glowed from inside it, weakly.

“Napstaton!” You lunged, only to be caught by the closest guard. He couldn’t hear you, but you didn’t care. A pair of arms wrapped around your waist, holding you just out of reach. Still, you wriggled and kicked and shrieked, arms stretched outwards.

You wanted him to sit up and tell you that he was okay. To hold you close as you sobbed and wailed, to remind you that everything was gonna be alright. But he didn’t.

He just laid there.

Undyne came barreling through the doorway just seconds after you had. Her teeth were bared in a vicious snarl. “Get out of the way!”

Immediately, the guards stepped back. The one holding you took a step off to the side, dragging you with him. Undyne didn’t even glance at you as she rushed forward, leaning frantically over his open chest cavity. She stared down at something for a moment, before her entire body sagged, relief flooding across her face.

“Oh, Napsta.” She sighed. “You dummy. I told you not to push yourself so hard—you should have just told me!”

As she spoke, Undyne dipped her hands into Napstaton’s chest cavity. She lifted something out—a small glowing white ball of energy. It looked like a Monster’s soul, but there was something different about it.

Slowly, the ball unfurled, stretching out until it finally took the form of a little ghost, floating just above the scientist’s palms. Wide white eye-lights bounced around in dark sockets, hazy with exhaustion. It kept its head perpetually bowed. When it spoke, it spoke with your boyfriend’s voice.

“I’m so sorry,” the ghost mumbled. “I thought I could go a little longer—but I messed up, and now everything’s ruined.”

“No, shh.” She comforted it, stroking the top of its rounded head with one clawed hand. “Things are gonna be fine, Blooky. You just need some rest, I’ll work on recharging your body and making sure there’s no damage. But next time something like this happens, you need to tell me! I won’t always be there to save you at the last second, y’know?”

“Yeah…I—”

It stopped then, eyes landing on you. The ghost’s tiny mouth snapped shut. Undyne followed its gaze, fear flickering through her eyes as took you in, slumped in the guard’s arms and jaw hanging open.

“Ohmygod,” She whispered in a mortified voice, “How long have you been standing there?”

You didn’t even have to say anything, because it was obvious that she already knew.

“Oh boy. Okay, so, don’t freak out!” Undyne turned, holding her hands out, palms up. “I can totally explain all of this, but first I’ve got to, uh—”

“No.” Napstaton—Napsta, whatever his name was, shook his head. “I’ll handle it.”

“Are you sure?” She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, wringing her hands.

“Yeah…” He let out a long, dramatic exhale. “You go ahead and work on fixing me up. I’ll talk with them. Can you give us a minute alone?”

That was all it took. The guard who’d been holding you back released you. You rubbed at your sore arms as they filed out of the room. Undyne gave you one last withering look, before she bent over your boyfriend’s empty body.

The creature that was your boyfriend, or spoke with his voice, at least, offered you a tiny smile. “Um, let’s go somewhere more private.”

All you could find yourself doing was nodding, body acting on autopilot, as you silently followed the ghost out of the room that held his body, and down the empty corridor.

 

* * *

 

After making sure you were alone, Napsta reached out a tiny, nub-like hand and closed the door behind you. He smiled again when he turned back to you, though it was obviously strained.

“So…uh…surprise?”

“What.” It was the only thing you could manage out.

“Uh, so I’m sure you have, like, a ton of questions.”

“Napstaton…” You breathed.

“I promise I’m okay, but it’s a long story!”

“You…” Your brows narrowed.

“But first I have to say, you can’t tell anyone else about this! Please, babe.”

That word snapped you out of your haze. It really was Napstaton, wearing the body of a little ghost with sad eyes and a scared smile.

You swayed on your feet and he rushed to catch you, helping direct you back towards the nearest chair. “Whoa! Careful!”

Nodding weakly, you looked up at him. This was all still so surreal. It’d happened so fast, and you were having a hard time keeping up with it all. “Talk…please.”

“Yeah! No problemo, okay. So, I should probably start at the beginning…”

He told you everything. How he’d met Undyne in the Underground, over a Human “History” Appreciation Group. How she’d offered to make him a body that fit his wildest dreams, in return for impressing the Queen. That he’d taken up the name of Napstaton, and became a big-time star, doing everything from running a baking show to putting on one-man performances.

And, mostly importantly, that his name was Napstablook.

“Napstablook,” you tested it slowly, rolling the word around on your tongue. It clicked. “Happstablook! Ohmygod.”

“Y-Yeah,” he admitted with a chuckle. “They’re my cousin.”

“How did I not see this?” Hands pressed over your face, you let out a long, deep groan. “It all makes so much sense now.”

“Don’t feel too bad!” Napstablook urged, rubbing your shoulder with a tiny ghostly hand. “We managed to fool pretty much everyone in the Underground, so you’re not alone.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” It sounded so whiny, but you couldn’t help it. “D-Did you just think that this wasn’t important enough? That I wouldn’t find out?”

“No!” He shook his head frantically. “I just…I wanted to wait until the right time—”

“Right time?” You gawked, eyes bugging with disbelief. “When was the right time going to be, Napstaton? Blook! Whatever!!”

“I…I…” He stammered.

“Or were you just going to keep putting it off, hoping that I’d never find out? This—this isn’t something you should have hidden from me! Do you know how that makes me feel, knowing that something this big in your life—you didn’t feel like you tell me about it?”

You were practically yelling now. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. God, you were so fucking pissed. And sad. You felt betrayed, somehow.

All Napstablook did was look to the ground. He looked ready to cry himself. “I’m sorry…”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it!” God, shut up, shut up! You were just making things worse. But the words kept coming, and your anger kept flaring, like a crackling fire. “How am I supposed to take this? I found out one of your biggest secrets because you almost died—you passed out on stage, Napstaton! Is that what it’s going to take for you to trust me? Constantly putting ourselves in life-threatening situations just for the excuse to—to talk like a couple of adults???”

“I don’t know…” Now he was crying. His body shook with the sobs. “I don’t know, alright! I tried—you have no idea how many times I tried to tell you, but I was just…scared, alright? I could hardly talk to Happsta about it—they were so mad at me. It took me weeks to get them to even let me in the door. I didn’t want…I can’t lose you…I can’t stand the thought of you…hating me.”

“You think I’d hate you?” You laughed through the tears, “For what? Needing help? Being different?”

“For lying!” He snapped back. “I lied to everyone. You, my fans, my family—I don’t deserve any of you!”

His body sank down. You followed him, folding onto your knees. Napstablook hovered between your arms, his big, wide eyes pouring with tears. They burned when they hit your skin, and you remembered the first time Napstaton had ever cried in front of you. He’d tried to pull away then too. Now you knew why.

But just like then, you didn’t let him go.

You wrapped your arms around his tiny, soft body. It was like hugging a pillow, and he sank back into you reflexively.

“Napstablook, you listen to me.” Your voice still shook, but you forced yourself to keep talking anyway. “I love you. I could never hate you for something that you can’t control. Just because you’ve got a different body, or you lied, or you were scared. I don’t hate you for any of that. I’m sad, because I want you to trust me.”

“I do…” He whispered against your shoulder. “I trust you, I promise. I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be.” You stroked his head, like Undyne had done before. “Let’s just talk.”

“I’m sorry we had to rush into this.”

“I know.” You hummed.

“I wish I told you sooner.”

“Better late than never.” You leaned your head against the curve of his own. He took a deep, shuddering breath, then sighed. “At least now I know.”

Slowly, you felt his hands move up to return the hug. “Are you going to leave me?”

The question was so ridiculous that you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Loverboy, you’ve got to be kidding yourself if you think this is enough to make me leave you. You’re gonna have to try harder than that if you want to shake me.”

Now it was his turn to laugh. It was a soft, tearful one. “The only thing I want is you.”

The words sent a fluttery, warm sensation through you. You could practically feel yourself glowing with happiness. “You’re such a dork.”

“Yeah…but I’m your dork?” It was a question, gently prying for assurance.

You gave it to him, no problem. “You’re my dork for life.”

Finally, you unwound yourselves, moving from the floor to the couch. You laid on your back, cuddling the tiny form draped over your abdomen. It was so weird, being the big spoon this time around. But it wasn’t that bad. Not with the tingly warmth that his ghostly body filled you with, or the hypnotic hum of his voice floating through the air.

He was singing, and this voice was both so different and so alike. Passionate, content, but nervous and soft. It trembled as much as he did, and each time you’d just hold him close until he stopped.

“I bet Undyne’s gonna wonder where we are.” You giggled.

Napstablook just hummed again, nuzzling into your chest with a content sigh. “She can come find us when she’s done. Let’s stay like this for a little longer…okay?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice.” He shivered when you leaned down, brushing a kiss over the dome of his head. It was like kissing the layer of static that gathered over your dusty television screen. Only much cuter.

“Can I ask…one more question?”

“Of course.” The ghost shifted gently, turning his head up to meet your curious gaze.

“Sometimes I have to…y’know, so Undyne can work on my body. Do you think I could…?”

“Napsta, look me in the eye and finish that question.”

“I…okay! Okay, I get it.” He smiled again, reaching up to place a tiny nub-hand against your pursed lips. “I’m sorry that you had to find out this way.”

“It’s okay,” You parroted, “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“Yeah…” Napstablook laid his head back down. You stroked his ghostly cheek, smiling as his eyes slowly drooped closed. “I think I’ll be alright from now on.”

You kissed him again. “You can count on that.”

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Another commission by a loving returning customer, based on a prompt from my blog, "underimagines." As always, it was a pleasure getting to write for you, hun! Feedback is greatly appreciated!
> 
> Until next time,  
> \- cinnabun


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